Fantastic article in the April issue of O Magazine called, "Dear Me."

I was blown away by an article I read in the April issue of O Magazine called "Dear Me," by Martha Beck. I always love her insightful articles but this article in particular really struck a chord in me.

In this article Martha talks about how we often "obsess about people who mirror things in ourselves that need attention." In other words the things we love or hate about another person might actually be reflections of our own personality characteristics that our subconscious is trying to draw attraction to. Could this be true?? I had to sit back and think for awhile about what I seem to despise and what I love about others to see if she was right.

She has a simple exercise for determining what our subconscious might be trying to tell us. I'll briefly summarize this exercise.

1. Choose a negative-perseveration person (NPP):  Pick a person that you complain about or dislike. Write a letter to that person and in this letter say everything you would love to say to this person's face. Don't hold back, you will not be sending this letter to anyone. Now comes the interesting part. Once your letter is complete scratch out the person's name and write your name in it's place. Now reread the letter as if it were written to you. This will require you to keep an open mind and allow yourself to absorb what your subconscious might be trying to bring to light.  According to Martha for some people "it may be obvious that you deserve the very feedback your inner bitch is handing out. If not, look more deeply. For example if the NPP you wrote about is a bully and you're a mild-mannered sort, notice where you've allowed yourself to be intimidated; cringing is half the bullying dance, and you may have been dancing it all along."

I can relate to her example of a mild-mannered person being the victim of a bully. I'm always working on being more assertive and not letting the fear of confrontation affect my life so much.

2. Choose a positive-perseveration person (PPP): Now pick a person that you admire and may even be a little envious of. Again write a letter to this person. Tell them all the things you love about them and why. Tell them how the things they do or say make a difference in your life and the lives of others. Once you have completed the letter scratch out the PPP's name and again write your name in it's place. This step may seem harder than the first step, but again keep an open mind as your reread the letter as if it were written to you.

I love people who give of their time, energy, money, and love without a second thought. When I hear about people who foster children or spend time on missions in other countries it warms my heart. This person makes me want to be a better person. What's so funny to me is that I never give myself enough credit for the good I do for others, I never feel i'm doing enough. I guess we are our own worst critics but what we may not stop to realize is that we are the good we see in others.

This exercise was eye-opening for me. I think Martha is onto something, we need to take the time to reflect upon ourselves so that we can become better people not only to others, but to ourselves. That is true growth.

Here is a link to the full article if you want to know more;

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Martha-Beck-Positive-and-Negative-Personality-Traits-Perseveration